Monday, October 15, 2018

God Just Turned My World Upside Down

     Well, I know it's been almost a year since I have posted anything, but...let me explain...I didn't think this would ever happen! Long story short...I have fallen in love with a wonderful, loving and caring man. I had been 'man-free' since my previous divorce over 12 years ago...the thought of a man being in my life at this point had never crossed my mind. I guess it's true when you aren't looking, that's when it happens.

    So go back about 8 months...knowing that my sister and I have been planning to hit the road full time within a year was heavily weighing on my mind. I was so afraid my sister was going to be really upset since this relationship now changes everything for us, especially since my last words to her jokingly were 'now don't go and fall in love'! As I eat my own words, I hear her tell me how excited she is for me and so accepting of it. She is very happy for me and him. She is a wonderful sister. I do not know what she is going to do now as she does not want to RV alone. I feel horrible about leaving her hanging like this and offering to have her come along with us, just isn't the same as the two of us traveling together. Sad to say, but this new man, Tim is not interested in full-time RV'ing, at least not right now. He is younger than me and still working, so maybe by the time he retires I can convince him to do more RV traveling. He does own a travel trailer!

     This relationship developed out of a long-term friendship. Neither one of us would have ever guessed this would have happened. I met Tim and his wife, Joanie 20+ years ago at church and they became instant friends with me and my soon-to-be second husband. Tim and Joanie had two little girls, Lorianne, 7 and Makayla 4 at the time and Sarah was born 3 years later. We were like a big family and the girls all considered themselves 'sisters.' Joanie and I were best friends. I never had any kind of relationship with Tim, other than that he was Joanie's husband. He actually kind of annoyed me sometimes by his attitude. Tim and Joanie were named Sarah's Godparents. My second marriage didn't last and I was divorced by the time Sarah was 5. I have two sons from my first marriage and at that time, my sons were Adam, 21 and Dave, 18.  When Dave joined the Army and was serving in South Korea and Iraq, he made friends with Lorianne via online. When he came home, he asked me what I thought about him taking Lorianne out on a date! Of course, Joanie and I were excited about the idea and the thought of us becoming in-laws and grandparents together...we already had them married off at the first date! 

     As time went by, Lorianne and Dave did get married and had a boy, Wesley who is now almost 3.
Shortly before their wedding, the relationship between Joanie and me started to change, but I couldn't figure out why. I would ask her and she would blow it off and act like we were still the best of friends. As far as I knew, we were best friends, but this tension...wall...whatever it was continued to grow between us and I would continue to ask her, but I had a difficult time trying to explain it, because I didn't know what it was. 

    A year ago, things really started going down hill fast, and the night before new year's day Joanie left a note for Tim telling him she wanted a divorce. He was completely blindsided and most of us were, too. We found out that she had been having an affair for quite some time and that she actually hated me, couldn't stand to be around me, but couldn't give a reason why. I tried to contact her and she ignored all of my texts and phone calls. Later I found out she did the same to most of her friends. 

     When the break up happened, I didn't know what to do. I texted both Joanie and Tim and said I was there for both of them. I didn't want to side with either one and if they wanted to talk, I would listen.  Dave contacted me, because he didn't know what to do. He was so hurt and blindsided himself as he thought they had the marriage he was hoping for Lorianne and himself. He knew his mom had married twice and divorced twice and that Lorianne's parents had been together for 30 years and that was what he wanted. We talked and some things came up that Joanie had told me over the years that Dave said I should probably let Tim know about. So I met Tim at Dave and Lorianne's house to talk about those things. Tim appreciated me sharing those things and I could see how very broken he was.

     Time went by and Tim would text me and ask me questions which then turned into phone calls. He would call and talk for an hour or more! Then he asked if I would be willing to meet him for coffee, so I did and Tim would talk and talk and talk! We would meet for lunch, coffee and just talk and talk and talk. Tim was also counseling during this time, which was good for him. And I also noticed a change that had occurred over the past few months that his attitude had changed a lot. After a month or so, I came home from another long evening of talking and I remember saying out loud, 'oh, God I can't fall in love with Tim"! 

     A day or so later, we both knew we were falling in love with each other and then we wondered how our kids were going to take it. We thought it was weird between us only because we had known each other for so long and that our kids were married to each other, but they aren't blood related. It never crossed our minds to think of each other in this way before and so it was really weird to see this happening to us! We still think it's weird at times.

     However, we are now struggling with Dave and Lorianne over this relationship. They refuse to accept any part of it. They started out saying they were step-siblings and are embarassed for their son, Wesley.  We explained to them that if Tim and I were married to each other when they were younger, then they could be step-siblings, but they were not raised together. Everyone we have talked to so far, does not see anything wrong with our relationship. We are both Wesley's grandparents and I am still Lorianne's mother-in-law, and Tim is still Dave's father-in-law. They will not allow us in their house together and we cannot be at any family functions or gatherings. They are isolating themselves from the family this Christmas already. We are praying for them to put their own selfishness aside and think about family and Wesley.

     I haven't sat down with Lorianne and talked to her about this yet. I know I need to do that. I know that her sister, Makayla is also struggling with the relationship. I never felt like I was more than a family friend to the girls, so I'm not sure how they feel about me. 

     I still watch my full-timer RV'ers on YouTube and FB and still think about full-timing. It's still in my soul and I still want to be on the road. I never expected to fall in love either, so you don't know what God has in store for you!
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